The Japanese man stiffens.
2. Lottery
A broker named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day, Ben drove up and said,
A month later Ben met up with the Cajun and asked,
3. Economist
One day an economist died and was accidentally sent to hell. As we all know, all dogs and economists go to heaven, but in this instance old saint Peter was off his game and our economist joined all the rapists, murderers and forex traders in the underworld.
After a few weeks in hell the economist realises that it’s not such a bad place after all, it’s just chronically mismanaged. So he implements a plan.
Within a few months the economy in hell is booming. He has the budget in surplus which enables the devil to spend on infrastructure, and investment funds start to flow in, increasing capital expenditures throughout the entire hellish economy.
After a year or two God looks down and notices that the standard of living in hell has increased to the point that most of his angels are booking their summer vacations there. The beaches are lovely, and face it, heaven is the last place you’re gonna find someone who can mix a decent cocktail.
He phones the devil to ask what’s going on. Satan explains that they have employed the services of an economist to fix their economy.
God is not happy. "You know that all economists go to heaven" he yelled, "send him back immediately or we’re going to sue you"
The devil just laughed and replied, "As if! Where are you gonna get your hands on a lawyer?"
4. The changing face of capitalism
Traditional capitalism:
* You have two cows.
* You sell one and buy a bull.
* Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
* You sell them and retire on the income.
American capitalism (or enro-capitalism):
* You have two cows.
* You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy influence with a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public buys your bull.
An australian corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You sell one, accept an LAW tax promised credit payable in 4 year's time, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
* You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A french corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You go on strike because you want three cows.
A japanese corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk.
* You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
A german corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A british corporation:
* You have two cows.
* Both are mad.
An italian corporation:
* You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
* You break for lunch.
A russian corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
* You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A swiss corporation:
* You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
* You charge others for storing them.
A chinese corporation:
* You have two cows.
* You have 300 people milking them.
* You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
A new zealand corporation:
* You have two cows.
* That one on the left is kinda cute...
5. Are you a trader?
You know you’re a trader if…
- Your colleagues call you "PIP Daddy"
You know you’re a trader if …
- Anyone got ideas?????
6. Buddies
John meets his buddy George and asks hims:
George checks in his wallet and his pockets, then replies:
7. In pizzeria
A forex guru (GURU) walks into a pizzeria to order a pizza. There the waiter (WAITER) asks him:
8. New mattress
A man (MAN) calls his fx dealer (DEALER) all anxious and out of breath with this urgency in his voice. He says,
The fx dealer tries to talk to the man but the man says,
9. Frog
Two women were walking through the woods when a frog (FROG) called out to them and said:
One woman took out her purse, grabbed the frog, and stuffed it inside her handbag. The other woman (OTHER WOMAN), aghast, screamed,
The second woman (SECOND WOMAN) replied,
10. Case in the firm
The owner (OWNER) of a large brokerage firm made a surprise visit at the sales department's floor. After a quick tour he reckoned that someone was standing near the secretary, doing nothing. He turned angry and red, approached the guy (GUY) and asked him:
The owner pulled out $800 from his pocket, gave it to the guy and shouted:
After regaining calmness, the owner turned to the floor manager and asked him:
The floor manager (FM) answered:
11. Races
Soros and a Bernanke went to the races. Soros suggested to bet $10,000 on a horse. Bernanke was sceptical, saying that he wanted first to understand the rules, to look on horses, etc. Soros whispered that he knew a secret algorithm for the success, but he could not convince Bernanke.
